Between the moon and a chevy

I am such a procrastinator. I need to be more motivated about school, exercise...everything! I am in a very artistic mood right now, but I don't have time to fiddle around with paints. Grrrr, I miss my oil paints. I just love the smell of linseed oil and turpentine. They are my favorite smells and bring back such happy memories. I can't wait until break because I am going to work on a new painting, and maybe make a patchwork skirt. Damn, I am getting ambitious aren't I. Tonight Marty is coming over yea! This week has passed very quickly. Almost too quickly. I have realized a lot of stuff lately...I really miss art, and if I major in business I don't know the next time I'll be able to sit down and be creative with some paints. I also am thinking about taking some political science classes. They sound interesting, and I have always been really good at law. And I am stressing out lately about what I want to do as a job after college -- I almost said, when I grow up, but it feels like I can't say that anymore-- I want to do something fun and interesting that includes a lot of travel and a lot of money. I think I would be good at business, but I don't know how fun it would be. I just hope that these 4 years aren't a waste of my time if it turns out that I suck at business. I guess that is what graduate school is for. I get really frustrated at my parents sometimes though. I really want to do some extreme adventure camps and travel around before I graduate and they think it is ridiculous. But I guess it is considering I should be consentrating on paying back some of my loans, but on the other side, I want to have fun while I can and go places before I am tied down to a serious job. I don't think they understand that. I need a job that will allow be to only work like only 10 months out of the year so that I have time to go and do what I want to do. And I want to work in a different country I think. I donno. I just want to do something that is not the average boring desk job. Have any suggestions for me?

Thought the guys might appreciate that statistic, lol.
Tonight I went up to the aquatic center to volunteer for the St. Ambrose swim program. These kids are just so adorable! I had so much fun helping them out, but now I am completely exausted. *phew* I am still a little sore from working out yesterday. My cartilage has been really swollen where i just got in pierced (twice) and the lady pushed the backs in so far that it took me all day of pulling and pain to loosen up the backs. Arrrrg. Just thinking about it makes me woosy. Taslim, who is awsome, pulled out the bottom one for me while I screamed in pain. The top of my ear is so swollen right now, that if it doesn't go down by tomorrow night, I am taking these damn, pain in the ass, earings out and never getting anything pierced again! I think something is wrong with me...I either have mono again, or I am so stressed out that I just can't deal anymore. I have been constantly tired, and no matter how many naps I take, it doesn't seem to help. I am about to fall asleep right now and slam my forehead into the keyboard. So I am waiting for Marty to call, and I think I am going to bed. Hmm, I am getting to bed before 2am. That is something new!

GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in with a 'substantial' amount of seminal fluid. He also hold the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7mph.

I didn't get to bed all that late last night, it was around 2am. Of course I never finished my Western Civ. but what do you expect. Classes were a little difficult to stay awake in today unfortunately, but now I am too awaketo take a nap. Does that make any sense to you? I am going to go to the St. Ambrose swim program tonight, and then work out afterwards. I am sore tody from lifting wieghts. No pain no gain, right. Marty has been such a sweethart lately, and such a cutey pututy. I need to get to the mall this weekend to get him (or us) a Valentine's Day present. It is really a good feeling to have a Valentine. I feel a little bad for some of the girls who don't have one. Oh, get this, my ear has swelled up where I got it pierced and has for the first time in two days just stopped throbbing due to some powerful ibuprofen. I really need to keep a good watch on it becasue if it swells any more, I'll have to take the earings out for good. *Sigh* what a pain in the ass. Lynds is sick as a dog with a sinus infection. I better not get even a cold so I am stocking up on the vitamins lately. Okay, I am starting to get tired now, so nap time here I come.

Just worked out! Yea! I am feeling buff and tuff, and hey, my ass is tight hehe. I am a sexy bitch lol. I am just cracking myself up here. I have so much studying to do right now, but I am in such a productive mood, that I don't have anything to worry about. We're just chillin now watching syracuse beat georgetown on the tube. There is a Valentine's Day dance on Feb 10th. I hope Marty will go with me. I hope I fit into my toni braxton dress (grad dress) still. That is my favorite dress and it would be so colif I could wear it again. I am in a traveling mood today. I have an urge to go around the country and stayin wierd places and see wierd things. Okay, I think I am just wierd. Alrighty, on to homework.

I feel like sleepy from snow white. I am so tired today, and cant stay awake. I skipped macroeconomics this morning because I was exausted and my tummy was hurting...excuses excuses. I have to write a 2 page paper on a musical comedy satire thing I watched, and I donno what to write about :( Brain fart! Marty and I worked out our little tiff from yesterday, not 100% but both of us are really going to work together now on our issue (and, no, you can't know what it is). Secrets secrets are no fun, oh wait, yes they are hehe. I want to go to the Romeo and Juliet preformance and the BSO, but I don't have a date :( I a really sad, and can't find anyone thast wants to go with me. Everyone shudders at the thought of orchestras. I miss my violin. Every once in a while I will get finger urges to pick it up and play. I really want to take lessons this summer to get back into the swing of things. Gotta see where the funding is coming from first.
I am really hungry and the air crisps just aren't doing it for me. Maybe I'll find a kind sole who wants to go to dinner with me.

Go Ravens! Yea!...well, ok, I;ll admit it...I don't like football. Truthfully, the only reason I watched the game is for the halftime N'Sync, Aerosmith, and Britney show. I am a full fledged girl when it comes down to sports, and I am not afraid to represent either. The most entertaining thing I saw all night was the crazy drunks out on the road honking thier horns and guys standing out in the middle of the road dancing all around. And whatever possesed those girls to stand up in the sunroof in nothing but a ravens jersey in 30 degree weather is just crazy. It was more fun driving around than watching the actual game. And to my dismay, I was dissapointed with this years selection of commercials. The only decent one, was the voltzwagon (i know i sp it wrong) stuck up in the tree. Back at school now, with lots of studying to do for that wonderful 8am class tomorrow. And I have this urging feeling to reorganize the furniture in my room, but that will have to wait till later.

Off to a new start :*

Rose Red on "Women"
It's hard to be a slut in college. Not only is hooking up with random guys
expected, it's encouraged. If you want to be a slut, you really have to put
some time in to it.

:) I am feeling a hundred and ten percent right now. I just needed a long nights sleep and a good conversation. --Hehe I just woke up (it's 2pm). I feel bad for keeping Marty up all last night on the phone. We had an hour and a half long conversation. It was really sweet. I am so happy to be spendin the evening with him tonight. I am going to make everything just perfect.

I am feling a little better now. I was just really stressed and had no one to talk to. I just wiped my tears off and went and watched part of "you got mail" with libby. It took my mind off things well enough. I just got to get over myself and stop being so mopey. It is too easy to make me upset. I need a thicker skin on me. Just practicing those deep breaths now, and trying to keep level headed. Gonna watch a movie, and hopefully Marty will call sometime soon.

I am so pissed off right now, so be prepared for a bitch fest. I hate people, I think everyone pisses me off on purpose. And I don't mean to sound like a conceded bitch, but I hate being left out of things, and not having people think about me when they should be. When I say I am gonna do something, I get in the mood for it, get all my plans set, and DON"T CANCEL OUT AT THE LAST MINUTE! Diane and Kristen are the biggest bitches in the world sometimes. Diane calls me up and bitches and moans about her sucky ass life, then says how bored she always is, then asks me to do something, and ALWAYS cancells on me. She is really pissing me off. I am never again asking her to go out with me again. She is just not invited from now on. OK, I understand not having money, but when you haven't seen one of your previous best friends more than a day in 6 months, you can pay for gas at least. I offered them good ideas on what we can do tonight, and all I hear is how bored they are. Then I get the "hold on and I'll call you back in a min". Well I guess that is just an excuse to see what pathetic lies they can give me about not coming down to see me. I never in my whole entire life had an honest, true best friend other than Marty. I have always felt left out and excluded just because I don't like to do the "average" thing every night. Well, I am now determined to live the rest of my life lonely and bitchy, because I apparently can't have normal friendships. I hate being buddy buddy with someone, but apparently thats what you have to be like if you want anyone to consider you one of their good friends. I just hate life right now, and want to go to bed and cry. No one seems to understand all the pressure and pain I go through with friendships. I hate college right now becasue I am so out of the group with the girls that I don't even think I am going to have a roomate next year. One moment I think everything is going great, and the next everything just comes crashing down on me. I hate being like this too. Normally I am the cheery peppy one who is just fine and dandy with everything, but I don't feel like putting that much energy into my life right now. I would be thrilled to have a bolt of lightning come through and hit me right now, but what are the odds of that happening. I always say to myself how I need to be more sociable and get out and do stuff and meet new people, but I would rather die sometimes than be ms. popularity. So much for my New Years Resolution to become more involved with some friends here at school. I am just getting left behind in the dust, and getting stomped on by the stampede.

Just recieved some shocking news. Wow.

Tonight I promised myself that I wouldn't go out for a few reasons: 1. I have no money 2. I have a LOT of homework to do 3. I have no money 4. Have a lot of reading to do (the usual history, as well as some harry potter) 5. Did I mention that I have no money.

But, guess what happened. I went out. Surprise surprise. Well Joey and Andy (the guy me) picked me up here at school and took me to their local thirsday night bar they always go to, Dead Fredies ( I think that is what its called). It was pretty cool. No cover charge, no ID checking, a live band, pool tables. Pretty kick ass place if you ask me. Marty met us there and as soon as he walked in I turned around to see him hugging some girl. I was like "What!" hehe, it was only Christy (or Kristi - sp?) His childhood friend. She is pretty nice, but too sociable for me. I could get used to hanging around with her though. Hopefully she'll come over Sunday so I can get to know her better. She thinks I don't like her - it's not that at all, it's the fact that I hate meeting people and making first impressions.

Speaking of first impressions, I got to decide whether to go to this thing tomorrow about childhood lead piosoning advocacy thing, i donno. I got a vioce mail saying how they are meeting at 2 in Jenkins, but I don't know where I am going or what I am doing, or anyone who is gonna be there. I guess it will depend on my spur of the moment sociable attitude of the day. Whether I feel like putting myself out there or not. I really want to go though to see what it is about. It would be cool. We'll see, knowing me I will probaly chicken out.
Diane called me tonight when I was out, and then called Marty (we think...there was no name). I called her back but she was sleeping. I wonder what that is all about. She might want to hang out, but I don't feel like waiting around for her and arranging plans for her, and then her not showing up AGAIN. If she pulls that shit on me one more time, I am never inviting her to go out ever again!

Joe is a really cool guy. But, I think he needs to get out of town to clear his mind. I need to get away from things every once in a while. It really works. Maybe try out for road rules or something, who knows his story is interesting enough to maybe get him on. Just teasing you Joe...remember think of Big Bird :)

My Biology teacher is the strangest teach I have ever had in my life. He is extremely smart, but his teaching styles astonish me. We don't even have a textbook for the class. Today he put a picture of Louise Pasteur on the overhead and we sat there for 15min analyzing what his character might be like from his picture. Hehe, umm, he has baggy eyes, so he must work hard...etc. I was cracking up inside. The only reason I like that class now is becasue it is so easy, and the teach just cracks me up! Then he only calls roll for like 5 people at a time and then asks them to stay after class to talk to them about majors and school and stuff. Hehe thats funny. Usually teachers don't do that kinda stuff. He doesn't care if you come in late, and he gives us a break in the middle of class (it ony a 90 min class). I donno. It's just a wierd teaching style.
In Western Civilization, right before bio, there were so many problems. First the projector wouldn't work, and then the worst part was that the phine in the classroom must have rung 15 times throughout the class period. It was so hard not to laught and I know that the professor was getting realy frustrated becasue he would just pick it off the hook and hang it up directly. Apparently there was never anyone on the other side of the line. Hmmm, I wonder what that was about.
This morning I didn't go to literature becasue it was an 8am class and we were only watching a movie. So I jsut rented the move to watch here this afternoon.Yea, I got to sleep in and extra hour! I have so much school work to do tonight and this weekend that I am going to be stuck in my room all weekend taking notes and reading...fun huh. So much for going out to party.

I am getting a little pissed off lately. For those of you who don't know me...I am extreamly honest, and talk a little too much. Well, I am starting to think that blogging isn't the greatest thing in the world if everyone knows your address. It's not like I talk bad about anyone, it's just that I like to keep to myself a lot. I donno, it has just been bothering me more and more lately.

"All I wanna do is have some fun, I got a feeling I am not the only one. All I wanna do is have some fun, till the sun comes up over santamonica blvd." That is hell of a good song.

Marty is coming over YEA!!!!

:( I miss Marty. I hate only beling able to see him on Saterdays and Sundays. It make me so sad. Wanna see pictures of us? I was thinking about our relationship the other day and against all of my pretexts, I really want to move in with him. Not any time soon, but yeah I really do. It would be fun. In case any of you don't know...I am not a fan of the live in bf/gf situation. I am a fan, however, of premarital sex ;) I donno, it just seems to ruin the effect of getting married to start a life together if you are already living in the same apartment. That is just my opinion, and you don't have to listen to it if you dont want to (feel free to click the little x in the right hand corner). I do really miss him though, but most of all, I miss sleeping with him (get your minds out of the gutter) I mean actually sleeping. Once you have slept with a guy all night long, it is hard to sleep without someone by your side. It is just lonely. I am big on cuddling and just need to be held sometimes. Mmmmm, I miss that. I decided to get a little erotic with the Valentines Day present this year, but I can't tell you what it is yet because a certain someone just might read this page. But it is gonna be good. I saw the perfect gifts in this magazine that I got in the mail here. But the cutest thing I saw was a heart locket...I used to have one when I was a baby, and I kept it on a charm necklace as I got older, but I lost it when the necklace broke (and that made me very sad). I just think that they are the coolest jewlery ever made. And I was in the mall a while ago and there are these new linked silver bracelets (big links) that have a "t" and hoop to close it, with a little heart charm on it. I am way too addicted to jewelry. When I get some money I am going to buy myself a nice ring from Kays. Hey, a girl needs to treat herself every once in a while. I need to find a job first.
Love peace and happiness! ~ Andy bear

I love the song Yellow by Coldplay. It's fucking awsome. Check out the lyrics

This morning has sucked ass. I hate waking up in the morning. Right before I woke up my alarm became part of my dream, but I don't remember what it was. So anyways, it must have been going off for a minute at least becasue even Lyndsey was stirring around and she sleeps like a log. So I woke up and sat up in my bed trying to figure out what that beeping was...this took me a while (sad isn't it) and I was so disoriented and sleepy it took me another minute to realize my alarm was going off and to hit the snooz button. What a horrible way to wake up. I think the snooz button is one of the greatest inventions of all time. It is just the perfect addition to an annoying alarm clock. I am however, a little untrusting of the snooz button. I am putting all of my faith and punctuality on a little button. I always fear that it'll just decide not to work one day and I'll be late for classes. Stuff like that really gets to me. Maybe I just need to work on trust issues with technology. I donno. I'm pycho right now due to lack of sleep. I don't have too much homework or studying for tomorrow so I am planning on having a nice LONG nap this afternoon to catch up on my beauty sleep. I hate having to look good for 8am classes, and the girls who wear their best sweaters and nice leather boots piss me off. It should be a rule that ALL girls have to wear sweats to 8am classes so they don't make everyone else look like a slob, or ugly, or whatever. And some girls must wake up at least 2 hours before class, becasue they come in with their hair done nicely too - and I bet they even shave their legs every morning. I hate those girls. All I want to do is stumble into class with my hair romotely dry from the shower (so that it won't freeze in this cold ass weather) and with a comfy pair of sweatpants, and maybe...i stress maybe, some chapstick on (yeah that is about the extent of make up for me).
I have tons of laundry and dishes to do today but I am gonna procrastinate a little more on that for now...off to bed I go.

I am pissed off, dismayed, alarmed, irritated, angry....at this article Where does a man have the right to make legislation on abortions - never. Canceling funding for those who need it most will only increase the rate of abandoned newborns on front steps and in dumpsters. This will cause a woman to go to unsafe and perhaps illegal methods of terminating the pregnancy herself if there is not an easier alternative for these woman. There are already thousands, if not millions, of children without proper families...why contribute to these numbers. I ask you all to talk to you congressmen-woman, and send as many letters of concern as possible. Women, do you want your rights stipped and taken away from you? If not, take this into your own hands, and let your concerns be heard.

Sup! Here it is 9am and I am already done a class *sigh* Last night I was up till 2 30 having girl talk with Lynds, Taslim, Sarah, and Maya. It is pretty gross how personal we get about sex and guys...lol...so I think I know way too much about some of my roomates. Damn, I needed to get to bed early last night too, but that obviously didn't happen. Well, our bathroom is the most disgusting place I have ever seen in my life. It was never like this before, and it smells too! We figured out that it was Rebecca (the anorexic girl) who is taking laxitives or puking all the time and producing the grossest smell, and then she leaves her dishes and food everywhere. It really disgusts me. So, we aren't sure what to do about it except for write a note and tape it to the mirror and hope she gets the hint. Living with other people can certainly be a bitch at times.

Joe, Jeff, and I went to the mall and I got my cartilage pierced *ouch*, and got two holes rightnext to eachother. I am such a wimp when it comes to pain. Saterday morning was very traumatic with too much cold and wettness, but life will go on (I hope). Saterday night we all went 4 wheelin' in empty parking lots with the snow coming down pretty hard at times. The was only about a 3inch accumilation :( not enough to delay college. Yesterday Marty was a sweethart, and after sleeping over there, he drove me around all afternoon for errands I had to run. Thank you sweetie. Then I went over Gloria's for some homemade boston creme pie...mmmm...there goes my diet. I think I have lost some weight recently Yahoo! I am not fat, but there is some flabbiness I would like to get rid of. And I realized last night that i am one of the most secure girls on the earth when it comes to my body. Everyone else worries about what they look like, and stress out over calories, and I ust do whatever the hell I want to do . I love it. And even when I know I could stand to lose some inches around the waist, I don't sweat it, because I believe that I still look good. And all of this over-confidance is due to Marty. He is so sweet and always compliments me so much that it has finally sinken in and I believe him. I have a tendency not to tell him he looks sexy when he does. I don't know why, but I think it too mself, but have problems saying it out loud. I just don't like using the word sexy to someone's face (I'm wierd). So I feel really bad about that, and really do try to let him know how I feel, but I donno, it's strange. He really is hot shit though. Take a look at these pictures

I am over Marty's now getting ready for a movie night. This morning was a bitch and a half all cold and wet...and I was in it for 30min...fun fun fun. I think I got really sick from it though, cause now I got a really sore throat. Well that could be from all the dick I suck too. Hehe just kidding. It's all sleeting out and nasty driving weather so I will be spending the night over Marty's and running errands all of tomorrow. Have a great night everyone!

Just got back from Rhudies. It wasn't all that bad. I normally don't like the place, but towards the end of the night I was having fun. I don't like hanging over drunk people when I am not drinking. Stupid drunks piss me off, and now I am gonna have to deal with all of the girls coming home trashed off their ass. Hmmm, sounds like a fun night. I just got the best kiss from Marty under my umbrella in the rain. Aww, it was so cute, sweet, romantic, wonderful...I love his kisses. I wish he could have stayed longer, but it is already really late and he has work tomorrow. Awww, I love him so much.

I need to go work out tomorrow.

Celtic Faery . . . faeries
"When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they went skipping about, and that was the beginning of faeries." - Sir James Matthews Barrie

i thought this was funny, yet motivational at the same time.

It's raining it's pouring, and Lynds is still in bed snoring. Hehe

I just got back from computer class. I really like Father French, he's a cool guy. I have a lot of reading to catch up on for the class though which I will have to do sometime this weekend. We got our Butler pants in last night so everyone in the dorm is wearing them today. They are so cute, Butler is the name of our dorm and it's written right across your ass.

Last night I went to Hammerjacks with some of the girls from the quad. I am really glad Meghan came cause she had a bast. I saw Country, Jon, Brian, Tony, George.... there as usual. I had a blast dancing and my ID worked again YAHOO. I was surprised I can pass for 24. Anyways, the wait was like a half and hour to get in and I was inthe 21 and over line by myself :( but it was all good because I was talking to some cool people in it. Hammerjacks was packed. Downstairs you couldn't even move around and it was so funny. I have never had so many random guys come up to me before to dance. Thats a bit of an egobuster. At one point I had 3 guys dancing with me. LOL don't fret Marty, you know I behaved myself as always. Oh, I met this girl Casey (a new one) who apparently has a thing for Country...good luck to them. I was impressed by how pretty she was. I wonder why Jon is always there but not Joey. Marty went to Tremors (Fallston Station) last night with Kristi :P Nah, I don't mind, she seemed like a cool girl when I met her. Ok enough writing already. I could write a novel if I wanted too damn. Have a great morning!

check this site out

I am a little pissed off right now. I have no homework and I want to go to Hammerjacks, but no one else wants to. If anything I'll end up at Xandos tonight with some of the girls, but I am in the mood to dance :( Oh, well. There will be other thursday nights. I have really been in the mood to dance lately, but I don't really have the money to go out.

I have been really upset about something lately, but I don't want to say anything just yet about it. You know the whole purpose of starting this is so I can write my private thoughts down, but damn, a lot of people come to look at this sight and even with my pure honesty habit, I don't like the public to know everything about me. I like to keep some things to myself, and I can't even write it in my blog anymore. And then, usually I would bitch about people on and of a bit, but now what if they check the site? Damn life is just too complicated.

My grandmother has been doing much better lately, and for those of you who don't know, she had a stroke last week and went to the emergency room and all. Well lucky for her she had the stroke, because the tested her heart, and apparently she has two weak heat valves. I believe that it's her tricuspid, and bicuspid, but she didn't give too much detail on that. So, Ashville heart seurgons are gonna take a look at her and see what is going on, and how to operate. She is freaking out and worrying about everyone lately too, which isn't helping her out any. She is all worried about my Dad and his interview for a new job in Georgia that my dad doesn't even want. Then she emails her whole list about eating healthy and how you shouldn't be eating fast food (like this is a new concept to her). Oh well, I just pray that she stays in good health and remains strong through this tough time in her life.

I am not sure if I like this format better...is it easier to read? Let me know! E-mail me or instant message me.

Wow, another early morning. I am not minding it too much now either. It is nice having the whole afternoon free for a change. My computer class is going to be cool I think, Libby and Lina are in there keeping me company. Macroeconomics is coming up way to soon, and then off to spanish (Pongo tu jueblos en tu boca). I am going home for the afternoon to pick up some forgotten things and to bring back some clothes. I have so much homework :( I still have to read another chapter for Western Civ as well as watch a freakin movie, then I have english to do as well as some Thursday work to do. I really need to get it done tonight and by some miracle of God, get some sleep before my bright and early 8am classes.

I am extemely pissed off today. I had a horrible morning and now feeling like this semesters classes are going to be the worst. It all started out at 8am where in Father Nash's Lit. class I was one of the last ones there. I wasn't late but it still sucked. Then a dog came walking up to me, and it wasn't just any dog, but the mascot to our school, the Greyhound. What the hell is a dog doing in an English Lit class? So not only did that distract me throughout the entire class, but the construction that is going on right outside the building wasn't helping either. He was so frustrating too, asking for our definition on literature and asking us why we took the class, as if it was not required. He then continued to go off on a tangent that "Son of a Bitch" is not literature and asking all of us why. This guy is strange. Then my morning continued into Western Civilization where not only is there a load of shit to do (50 pages and a movie for homework tonight) but there is a deaf boy 2 seats in front of me and he had a translator for the class. It was so awsome to watch this lady sign everything out that I ended up paying more attention to her than the professor. So for the last class of the day I walked into the wrong classroom and wandered around looking for the right room for 5 min. Once I finally found it, I walked in and suddenly felt extreamy young. Everyone around me looked like seniors and I was not mistaken. So I was totally confused whether I should even be in the class let alone the awkwardness of not knowing anyone. Then after talking to the whole class about meeting his wife at college and courting her in class, he made us get into groups. The guys right next to me totally ignored me and some guy behind me some finally let me work with him. It is hard enough getting to know poeple as it is, but after a huge talk about flirting is was awkward as shit! Some teachers are a big pain in my ass. We don't even have a textbook for the class, so for the rest of the year we talk about diseases and birth and conception and data without any books to look at if I miss the class. Damn it! I am so frustrated right now I think my head might explode.

I won a Cybiko! Check it out at www.cybiko.com Its really cool...I can instant message other cybikos and there is a planner and cool ass games. Hey, if you wanna get one email me and I will give you a code to get 10% off. They are pretty cool and a lot cheaper than palm pilots.

I am in one of those reading moods, but I don't have any book that I either haven't read, or aren't for a class. *Sigh* Am I actually going to have to venture out to the library? Scary thought. I have a barnes and noble gift card, but I can't drive there...grrr. I need a good book recommedation. If you have read any good ones lately, let me know.
I am having serious munchy probems today also. I can't stop eating. Well, I didn't eat breakfast or lunch, but for the past 2 hours I can't seem to get enough food into my stomach (mmm, meatloaf would be good right now). I went to the grocery store and stocked up my under the bed box with lots of food. I think I have enough canned food to last me through the next national disaster. Damn it I forgot to get manderan oranges :( (mmmm, mandarin oranges). I had a hell of a time htough because Rebecca took so freakin long. I was about to kill the girl. There is a basketball game tonight that I might go to, but i donno. (mmm, now I am in the mood for grapefruit Hehe).

I am back at school YEA! I am very glad to be back, but my parents were actually sad to see me leave today...thats strange. I forgot tons of stuff though, so I will be back soon enough. Marty and Joe came over and we watched the football game today. I am NOT a big fan of football so I could care less if the Ravens win the Superbowl, but everyone else went crazy over it. I just got all of my clothes unpacked, but I am one of those rare "get organized" moods, and if I don't take advantage of it now, it could be another few months till I clean up.
This semester I am actually going to try and get to know people here better. I feel so out of touch because I am never here. I go out with my friends from home on the weekends and never with anyone from school. I guess my stupid thinking is that there are already enough people in my life and I don't need anymore, but that needs to change. I am gonna try and be mre social if it kills me.

I just got all of my hair chopped of...really short. It is up to my chin now and I think it looks really good. I have never been happier with a hair cut. Marty hasn't seen it yet, I hope he likes it.

Ohh, yeah one more thing. I finished that test dad gave me. And I got two thousand dollars for it. Now that is what I call some inititiative to lean. Of course I can't touch the money till I retire, becasue it's in my new Roth IRA account. All I am hoping for is a 12% interest rate in the stock market, and I will be just fine and dandy. I just have to put in the 2 grand next year...or maybe he will get me another book to read hehe (yeah right). My dad is cool, he tries really hard to help me learn enough early on so I don't make any big mistakes in life. I just need to continue to do well in school and stick with the double major, and I dont think that that is too much to ask for.

Ohh yeah...Joe your phycho but we all still love you. Hope everything turns out ok with the "Jen" problems. You just need to regain control of your own life and not be led doen by painful memories. -- Just some advice from a girl who has no experience, but a little intuition.

Heyheyhey. I just got back from seeing a scary ass movie "Dracula 2000". Not only did it scare the shit out of me, but the blood and gore made my stomache turn completely upside down. I HATE SCARY SHIT!!!! I just can't deal with it, I never have been able to. I have only recently been through a complete haunted house...the rest I ranout in tears and vowed to get through it next time. When everyone finally put enough peer pressure on me, I went up to Jason's Woods with a group of at least 50 teens, and actually went through the whole thing. Of course I did break down and coward on the floor in the corner while I almost had my head cut off by a chainsaw (Thanks for that one Marty). I just can't deal with scary shit. I can't watch movies, becasue I get horrible nightmares and daydreams about all kinds of horrible things. I just wish I were a little bit more normal and a little bit braver. *Sigh* Why am I like this? It's not normal for an 18yr old, maybe a 4 yr old, but not 18. I almost ran out of the theater in the beginning after letting out a piercing scream that let everyone in the theater know I was chicken shit. I need to get over this incompetance of mine, because I refuse to let it alter my decisions.

Marty was cute tonight...opening up the car doors for me all night long, and letting me dig my nails into him when the scary bloodsucking people popped up. He gets so angry with work soemtimes it really upsets me. He has a very bad temper and I am afraid one day he is going to snap. He promised me he would work on it some. I hope he tries. I just see too much possibility and goodness in things that I can't imagine half of the stuff he says soemtimes, but I am trying hard. It sometimes sounds like he is the most racist person I have ever known, but I know he is not like that at all, but his language dictates that he is. Hmm, I am gonna stop bugging him about it for a while and see what happens. I love him dearly and will try anything to see that he is happy. LOVE YOU SWEETHART!

Sleep Sleep and more sleep. I just spent two hours waiting in the car for whitneys ortho appointment. She told me it would take 15 min. Ha. So I took a nice little nap.
I gotto order books online, and if that is not working again, I will drive down to school today or tomorrow. I got my 6th class...Biology: A human approach. Grrr...I would have rather taken business statistics, but I'll be good in it. I have a natural thing for biology. The book list has come to $350 without bio and without a 30 dollar study guide. That is a shit load of money for books. You would think that if you were paying around 2 grand per class, they would just give you your book for free. Luckily my rents pay for books. Ok, it's freezing cold in my house (i think the heat may be turned off) and I am going to take a nice long hot shower (it's been a few days JK)

Well I spent all day working on the sight and adding new pages to it. Check it out. I still got a page of pictures to make, but I'll get around to it sometime later on.

I feel real bad about tonight though. I could have won "bitch of the year award" for all the whining I did to Marty tonight. I was completely just making things up to bitch about because I was all pissed off. I should have listened to my horoscope. It said that people I love wouldn't make me happy today and to just keep my feelings to myself, but of course I didn't remember reading it until right after I hung up the phone. So I spent about 5 min on the phone constantly apologizing trying to make up for it. I still feel horrible for it though. I hate fighting because Marty and I both turn into sorry saying muthers and yet it never stops us from fighting again. Well we never fight just "tiff" a lot. Marty saw the picture page I spent all day making though about us. I hope he liked it. Maybe he'll send the pictures of "us" to other random internet girls instead of the "single" ones. Hehe jk - well sorta. I just love him to pieces!

The sky looked awsome tonight! The moon poked out earlier that usual and was incredibly bright. Then as I was driving to Marty's I looked up at the sky and it looked like a big tick tack toe board. The clouds were all in lines making perfect crosses, and the moon was a perfectly place "o" in the center square. I wish I had a camera on me at all times. I find myself looking at almost anything as if it would be a good picture or not. I know...I am just a physco artist. I wish I could have a nice summer day to just lay out in the sun and stare up at the clouds. I used to do that all the time. Now the weather is bad and cold, and I am getting too old to pick out bunnies in clouds. Damn, I miss somertime. I absolutely hate the cold. Even snow pisses me off now.

I went down to school to exercise at the athletic center yesterday, and actually ran for quite a while. I surprised my self as I kept in pace and jogged for 30 min. As I was getting all sweaty and a bit winded, the fire alarm went off for a well deserved break. No, not for a fire, but for some construction dust. It was funny to look at how other people reacted to it. Some tried to ignore it like it would just go away (even the guy working in the room), others looked around skittishly as if they didn't know what to do, and I just about laughed at the whole situation. It is sad how empty this state of the art athletic center is completely empty during winter break. I need to take that rock climbing class when I get back. I'll try and get Ryan or Libby to teach me how to do it. The first time I climed the wall I got majorly freaked out at the height aspect. I hope that doesn't happen again. It's a little embarrassing. Back to school on Sunday, and looking forward to it!

Marty (the love of my life) just created his first blog as a result of much peer pressure from Joe and I. He was feeling a bit left out. Check it out: Ponies and Rice Hehe, his first entry got fucked up and deleted it and is so pissed off and irritated now I think he already gave up. Not very patient is he.

Alaska Gov. Tony Knowles (D) said on Friday his state would sue to
try to prevent President Clinton's road-building ban from applying to
the Tongass and Chugach national forests. Knowles contends that the
Alaskan forests should be exempted from the ban because management
plans recently approved for the forests after an exhaustive fight
between the timber industry and enviros didn't include a halt to
road-building. Knowles, in a statement, said that Alaskans "are
tired of being double-crossed by the federal government." Idaho's
governor has also pledged to sue over the road-building ban. In the
meantime, more than 1,000 opponents of the ban gathered in protest in
Medford, Ore., on Saturday, waving such creative, on-message banners
as "Don't Lewinsky Our Land" and "Don't Monica Our Mountains."

straight to the source: Los Angeles Times, Reuters, 06 Jan 2001

Hi y'all. Today has been one of those tiring days that just never seem to end. I woke up this morning to bad music, which is one of my pet peeves. I would rather wake to that obnoxious ear piercing buzzing than a song that I hate. Then the song sticks in your head the rest of the morning and no matter what other stupid songs you sing to try and get it out of your head, it sticks like a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of a chair. I think your subconscience does it purposefully to get revenge on not paying attention to "those little vioces" enough. -- Speaking of "those little vioces"...mine always seem to be right. Whenever I screw up real bad, I look back at what happens and realize I didn't follow my first instinct. Then I start thinking "damn, my instincts are pretty smart, I should follow them more" and then I get a big head on how good my instincts are, and then fuck up again.
I hate it when someone comes in the room when I am on my computer and tries to read what I am writing. It is no one's damn business...yeah I know this is a public blog, but not to my parents. My dad just plows in and starts giving me twenty questions on what I am doing. I should have told him I was looking at porno just to piss him off. Then he gets mad at me because I am asking him for my privacy and to let me be. "Go back to school" he mutters under his breath. Well, fuck you. I don't listen in on your boring ass conversations, in know when to mind my own business. People really shouldn't take it personally when I don't tell them anything, I know I don't. Grrrr...My dad always manages to piss me off the most. You would think parents could be happy with their child at least soem point in their life, but nooo, nothing I do is ever good enough. It's not enough that I got great grades in school because I am not working now. And its not enough that I have bought myself zilch lately to save up for the tuition bill because it is still not the whole 10 grand. Does he really expect an 18yr old to just pull 10 grand out of her ass. I think I am doing pretty damn good, and I don't need to hear any shit about it. Then I get yelled at because I am reading a book this afternoon after working out. According to my mother I am "lazy". Ok, well I will put down the book next time and plop my ass in front of the tube with a bag a potatoe chips in my lap. Maybe the chewing of chips will be active enough for her. And it wasn't like I just didn't drive an hour and a half to go work out this afternoon at school because they took away my BAAC membership. What can I do to make them happy? Obviously not enough.

OK, that was just another episode of Andy's bitch fest. Feel free to just virtually slap me next time I go rambling off like that.

oh yeah, fixed up the webpage some. New colors and everything.
Had fun at the spinfire show, and enjoyed Double TT afterwards. It was nice hanging out with everyone.
Marty is such a cutey pututey. I am in one of those "lovey dovey" moods. God help me, I am all giddy in love.

I just made another part to this web page!! An all about me page. It needs a lot of work and is still under construction, but check it out and give me some feedback. It titled Belly Button Fuzzies.

THE SEA LION KING
The drama of the presidential election, they say, has awakened the
interest of the public, and especially of "young people," in the
democratic process. So listen, my children, and you shall hear of
the midnight ride ... to help save the Steller sea lion. The story
features the villainous Ted Stevens (R-Alaska), Powerful Head of the
Senate Appropriations Committee, and White Knight Bill Clinton, Head
of the Free World. This time 'round, the White Knight won, and
protections for the sea lion in Alaskan waters will remain. (It's
scary to think what might happen next year.) Read more on the Grist
Magazine website.

Winter break is exactly like summer break. But shorter. And colder. And you can't sleep naked. So I guess it's kinda not. I am getting sick of living at home. There is nothing to do. My buddy list is always empty now, and I can't go down the hall in my pj's to see what the latest gossip is. Grrr...I am really hating being home. I would actually sacrifice my boredom for some homework under one condition: I could leave this miserable hell hole and go back to school. I am definately going to kill myself if my dad says one more thing to me about finding a job. It's not like its any of his business. And I hate the fact that my 'rents think they are involved in my life. Just because I didn't invite Marty to dinner doesn't mean I am fighting with him...he is sleeping. And just because Kristen called doesn't mean that I am going to hang out with her all afternoon. And when I say I am going out (it is a Saterday night) doesn't mean that that I am going to give them an every second update on where I am going. I am generally a very spuratic person so I like to just tell everyone that I have no idea where I am going, that way if I don't end up at the place I told everyone I am in no way lying. And if I feel like staying out until 4am I am going to, so I don't know why mom and dad try and tell me it's not the best idea. I know, and they know that I will stay out till whenever I want. So why don't we just save the comments. And I am really sick of being woken up in the morning. It is really starting to piss me off. I hate waking up to 80's music blaring throughout the house at 9am. And then when I finally fall back asleep, They have the nerve to wake me up and tell me I have chores to do (like that is going to get me out of bed any faster). Grrrr.
Ok now that the bitch fest is over, I am looking forward to a night out of the house and having some fun. But I have this irking feeling that we will end up at Hyperlight listening to spinfire for 2 hours and I'll end up home by 12. I am going to stay out late tonight and enjoy myself no matter what. That is my goal. And don't try and stop me. Bruhahaha. :) Love ya!

Yea! The new servers in. Hopefully that will fix all of these problems. I haven't been able to post lately at all because it is too slow.
The last bits of snow are now melting on the ground. I don't think it will all disappear over night, but so much for sledding. Yesterday was a big road adventure, slipping and sliding all over the road. It was a little fun though. I went to pick up Whitney from her hair appointment and pulled into the parking lot, which had a fresh 2 inches of powder on it, and pulled up the e-brake, and slid right into the spot where she was waiting. Hehe. Then I went to back up and I managed to turn the car completely around without ever backing up more than an inch. Hehe more fun. I ended up babysitting for the Mulroys last night in order to make a few bucks instead of spending it at the spinfireshow. It wasn't all that bad, but Ms. Barb came home at 12 30, so that blew my night. She is gonna drop off the money to me today. I am hoping $30.
I went down to Alonzos looking for a waittressing job, but they weren't hiring anyone. The place is kinda small, so they don't need that many people. She said she would keep me in mind though because i was local. You know that I will never get a call though. I doubt that any restaurant has ever dipped into their pile of apps instead of just waiting for the next person who walks in the door. So now I am stuck without a job. What am I going to do? I am so stessed right now!
Look at my cool new attributes to the left column. Like the mood meter :)

Last night I spent over Marty's listening to himtalk on his phone for hours, so I obviously got lots of attention, and then he turned into the sweetest most hugable, loveable, kissable guy. We talked forever on everything like the future and all. It was so cute.
We went to Starbucks earlier where I sat with my cafe latte and lemoncake (no crossaints) and looked at wedding magazines. I think I scared the shit out of Marty though looking at engagement rings and pointing out the ones I liked. It's not like I want to get married any time soon, but I would just like to make sure I get the perfect one. Ladies it is never to early to start :) ...mmm...vera wang. I wish I could afford something like that.
I think I am really starting to hate cell phones. Marty and I were sitting at the doctors the other day (waiting fo rlike 3 hours) and he was OFF the phone for like a total of 20 min. I just like not being able to get a hold of sometimes. And it doesn't bother me at all that Marty talks on the phone, but I certainly like not being attached. I just hope that cell phone brain cancer link isn't true.
Hmm, I am sopposed go get a job or something now but I don't want to. I hate working, well, not hate, but I hate getting into new environments and all. I need a job, and I wouldn't mind working on camps, but I want the most money for my time and the only way I can do that is waitressing. Grrr...and I am a little worried about walking all the way up there. It's not that far off of campus, but at night it's still creepy. I don't think it will be a problem at all though. Of course, I could always work at the phonathon and get like 7 something an hour which isn't too bad, but I hate telephones, and I really hate telemarketers. Now I just have to get enough ambition to get my lazy ass out of this chair and go find a job, but that would take too much effort. Grrr...I hate life sometimes. My ass is gonna be tired as shit next semester if I have to work and take 18 credits. Kill me now.

damn it i hate computers. Blogger is not working and when I pressed the publish button everything just disappeared...grrrrr...it was really good too.

Hehehe I thought this was funny

ohh yeah if you want to hear another version of the party I am sure Joe will have an interesting twist in his blog...check it out at:macaroni&beef.blogspot.com

dude, everything I just wrote disappeared when my comp just shut off. Damn it. Well, I am going to make this short and sweet then because I don't feel like typing all of that shit again. Well Colorado was great as usual, except for the flight delays AGAIN! I am sick of airplanes and more sick of waiting for them. Marty was sweet enough to pick us up though again, but I feel bad cause we were an hour late. Well, Aunt Susan is apparently moving to Kentucky with her 50-something yr old wierdo boyfriend which means not as many trips to Colorado anymore, but whatever makes her happy.
Happy New Years everyone!!!
I had a great time over John's (Country's) house. The place was rocking with a ton of people there and all the DJ equipment with the lights and the fog machines and everything. It was a great party and I just danced the whole time. I didn't feel all that great though and that came into play later. Well, we turned on the half broken tv just n time to see the 10 sec count down of the ball dropping. There where a lot of people I didn't know there though. Hehe, I just remembered how pissed Marty got at me when I kissed joey and the other backstreet boy Matt on the cheek. Hehe matt was some hot shit too. Joey saved me on the dance florr from some youngun thatwouldn't leave me alone. I ended up being hit on at the fridge by some nice guy from Easton...lol that was a funny conversation, and some guy lit Marty's hand on fire with a flaming Dr. Pepper shot. And then I found Brian under the christmas tree, that was really funny. And Jon's girl Allison was really cool, we hung out most of the night. It was a little wierd though how the girls just suddenly became my girl at the party though. And she really reminds me face-wise of this girls andrea i went to high school with. I had a great night, but a couple of things bothered me. I ended up squeezing in a little hole next to marty and covered up with a blanket and jusdt relaxed. Unfortunately I could barely sleep because of all the people waking me up and then marty getiing up and being a drunk ass for about and hour, and the stereo blaring in my eat. It was hard to sleep and yet there were like 20 people already passed out in the living room when I got there. Hehe that was a funny sight. Besides Hidi the whore, and a couple guys hitting on me and marty no where to rescue me, it really surprised me who showed at the party. Reed and Brian surprised me but what really made me sick was that Nat and Rob showed up. And it is really sad that Jeff, Joe, and Marty were the people they wanted to be with for the new year. It is just pathetic that they dont have any real friends. It really pisses me off how Natalie expects everyone to be there whenever she is available but when she is with rob, heaven forbid if they want to do something with anyone else. Oh well, I don't really give a shit if they don't have any true friends, it's their fault. When was the last time she wanted to do something with me or call me up even after we were friends for so long. I just pity her really. But it still iritates me and next time I see her I might say something to her about it or someone else should. Grrrrr....
And then get this: Morning time came around and Jeff decided to play the vidio of the night before for all of us...well, like in the middle of it was Marty making a complete fool out of himself and said some pretty fucked up things. I got really pissed of at him and everyone else in the room knew what was going down too. So I just stayed put, and let him leave the room, and then didn;t say to much over a sentence to him for the rest of the afternoon. I came home and plopped my sorry, tierd, sick ass in the tub and fell asleep in there for a little bit, crawled my way to bed and crashed. I reluctantly called Marty up to see if he was eating with us and he came over.As he was coming up the stairs to see me I was puking in the sink...yeah I know, sexy huh. Well, I obviously wasn't in the mood to argue so I just laid there as he profusely apologized to me over and over again about everything. He was very sweet and noble about the whole thing and so I easily fogave him. I wasn't really that angry, just disapointed that I couldn't really trust him and I was even in the other room. I love him way too much to be mad at him for long. I am just glad he felt as bad about it as he did. Maybe this will leave an impression on him longer that a week. I hope one day he learns to control himself with drinking and all. I just feel like the mom all the time but I just worry, and something stupid always seems to happen. Everything is cool with us now...I just wonder what the next episode will be.
Hehe is went over there tonight and Jeff's girl apparently bought us some edible underwear. Marty can't wait to try that out.
Oh and then apparently Marty went and put his picture, which is a pretty bad one of him on the net onam i hot or not website...9.2 huh. Well, his head grew about 2 sizes bigger lol jk.
Ok I am prety much caught up now with a few short cuts, but thats the basis. Peace out everyone and goodnight.